Individuals with ASD have difficulties with both social communication and social interaction, and this can cause difficulties in giving information to, and gaining information from your child. Being aware of this and adapting your own communication style will support your child to understand what you are asking them and ensuring you get the most accurate response.

A person with ASD may need support to use and interpret non verbal communication and social cues. People with ASD may find eye contact difficult, we may describe this as limited or fleeting eye contact. Some describe feeling uncomfortable with maintaining eye contact, if your child is not maintaining eye contact it does not mean that they are not paying attention to you.

Try not to rely on your tone of voice, facial expression or eye contact to convey a message as the individual with ASD is likely to miss these subtle ways of communicating. Sarcasm is also confusing as it relies on reading tone of voice, facial expression and then contrasting them with the words being used. Individuals with ASD will find this difficult, and may assume the words used are accurate. So if your child’s hair is looking messy, say this rather than saying it looks lovely and making a funny face.

In a similar way, a child with ASD may not support their verbal communication with body language, facial expression or changes in tone of voice. If they do not use these forms of communication, they may not accurately reflect how they are feeling so be careful not to make assumptions.

“When our son was 17, about six months after his Asperger’s diagnosis, he was just beginning to make sense of what it meant for his past experiences. He told me that he’d always thought I’d been angry with him a lot of the time. Unless I was laughing, smiling or obviously happy then he’d thought that actually I was angry. I felt sad but I started to do two things: I gave clearer facial signals, including smiling much more; and if we were having a conversation about something important or difficult we agreed to tell each other ‘this is how I’m feeling now…’ including, if necessary, saying ‘I am upset and I feel angry.” (Parent)

Many children with ASD can demonstrate rigid or inflexible attention to activities of their own choosing and may find it difficult to transfer attention between activities. They may find sharing joint attention with others challenging. Joint attention is the shared focus of two individuals on an object. It is achieved when one person alerts another to an object by means of eye-gaze, pointing or other verbal or non-verbal indications. It is important to follow your child’s lead as you are more likely to gain joint attention and your child is more likely to be social and interactive on their terms.

A child’s understanding may be restricted to their own interests and they are often on their own agenda so may not follow instructions. Get down to your child’s level, within their view and saying their name to draw their attention to you before giving instructions. Long questions and explanations can cause confusion for someone with ASD. It is important to simplify the language you are using to support your child’s understanding.

A child may echo back/parrot what you have said but without understanding the meaning - this is called echolalia. Always check that the child has understood what you have told them. They may need more time to process and understand what you are saying. Pausing frequently, allowing them to think, and allowing a longer time for a response can help. Children with ASD often gain more information from visual clues rather than spoken language. Therefore, when giving information or teaching a skill, it is often helpful to use pictures, photographs or real objects.

People with ASD will often have a very literal understanding of language. Non lilitral language such as idioms, metaphor and similes may be very confusing or create misunderstandings, for example ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’. When interpreted literally, this use of language is strange and can have a totally different meaning, avoid using or explain what the phrases mean to avoid confusion.

We may use analogies to try and explain things to children in simpler terms. For example, if we are trying to explain why a child needs to eat his dinner, we might talk about it being like putting fuel in a car and explain that if the car doesn’t have enough fuel it will break down. It is difficult for a child with ASD to link this sort of an explanation with the original problem you are trying to explain. Try and use facts to explain things instead of analogies.

Many people with ASD may use other methods of communicating their wants and needs in place of spoken language, for example pulling you towards what they want, or pushing something away to reject it. It is important that these non-verbal behaviors are recognized and interpreted as communication so that they become more intentional communication attempts.

A child may use jargon (babble-like noises that sound like words), or develop vocabulary primarily around their own needs and areas of interest. This can reduce the opportunities for conversation and social interaction, for example conversations may be very one-sided. It is important to create opportunities for your child to communicate for example, offering a choice of snack.

Some children with ASD may need to use visuals, such as PECS, to support their expressive communication. Individuals with ASD may not offer any more information than they are asked for. For example, if asked “can you get the milk out of the fridge?” they may answer “yes”, but may not offer additional information such as “but only if I stand on tip toes on top of a box”. Individuals with ASD may also find it difficult adapting to new situations and generalizing skills, for example they may use vocabulary at home but not in nursery or school. It is important a consistent approach is used at home and in setting to support your child’s language.

“I discovered that we could have longer and deeper conversations over a cup of hot chocolate by candle light or with the dimmer switch turned down, and also by speaking ‘through’ glove puppets in his toy puppet theatre.” — [Parent] “Loud noises, including shouting, make my son just shut down and then you can’t reach him. My son is always better being shown things rather than told where possible.” (Parent)

Ensure you have their attention, say their name before beginning
Minimise sensory distractions such as noise, bright lights and busy rooms
Use a clear, calm voice
Keep things short and simple
Allow your child more time to process information and check that they’ve understood
Beware of using idioms, metaphors and similes - say what you mean • Use facts to explain things, avoid analogies and sarcasm
Don’t rely on body language, gestures and tone of voice
Use objects and pictures to help explain things. For example, use visual timetables to show what will be happening during the day/week
Create opportunities for your child to communicate. For example, give favourite foods a little at a time so that they need to ask for more; keep favourite toys in clear containers that your child needs help reaching or opening; playing ‘ready, steady…go’ games with bubbles/blowing up balloons/rolling cars back and forth etc.
Social Stories can be useful for explaining to a child how to react in a specific social situation or during an event.
Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) is a widely used approach to support functional communication. A visual system using specific prompting and reinforcement strategies to support independent communication.

Communication

Need more information?

Community Paediatrics Navigation

Navigation