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Playing and social skills
Play is your child’s way of exploring and learning about the world. This includes their learning of new words. Play and interaction are important skills for your child to develop to enhance their learning.
Learning to communicate
Play is your child’s way of experimenting and learning about the world. This includes their learning of new words. Play and interaction are important skills for your child to develop to enhance their learning.
Whilst some children can speak clearly using long words and complex sentences, they can still struggle to communicate. This is because they've not understood social rules. Children that struggle with their social skills can find it harder to relate to others as they may give inappropriate responses, or their words or mannerisms could be misinterpreted.
The ages should be treated as a rough guide, as each child is unique and will develop at their own pace. It is often unhelpful to compare a child to their siblings or other children.
You can help your child at all ages by:
Speaking clearly.
Being face to face. Getting down to child’s level by lying down or crouching. It makes it easier for them to see what you are saying. It also shows your child you are interested and helps them listen to you.
Stop, Look and Listen. Do not rush in and take over when they are speaking. Give your child a chance to communicate first. Even if you know what your child wants to say, do not rush in. Watch your child and look for the cues your child gives you before talking or acting. If you find this hard, try to count to ten in your head.
Setting some special time aside to play or talk with your child. This helps build the relationship between you and your child. When they are younger you can play with toys and picture books. When they get older you can talk to them about their day or about their interests.
Playing and social skills milestones and activities
By 1 years old, babies will usually:
- stare at faces and copy expressions such as sticking out their tongue
- smile and laugh when other people smile and laugh
- look at you when you speak
- sense emotions in voices and respond by smiling, laughing, quietening etc.
- cry in different ways to express needs, for example a cry for hunger and a different cry for when they are tired
- explore their environment
You can help your baby by:
- joining in with your baby's play by following their lead and playing with what your baby is interested in
- copying what your baby is doing and responding to what they say
- talking about what your baby is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say
Activities you can do with your baby to help play and social skills:
Looking in mirrors together and make silly faces.
Making a treasure basket with different sensory items like mirrors, textured materials, wooden and metal objects
Playing sorting and stacking activities using nesting bowls and stacking cups
Playing posting activities where they put objects in and out of boxes
Playing games like ‘pat-a-cake’ and ‘peek-a-boo’ games, which are repetitive can help communication skills.
Look at books with your baby. You can use ‘feely books’ and ‘lift the flap’ books.
Sing rhymes with actions with your baby.
By 2 years old, toddlers will usually:
- like being around familiar adults
- happily play alone or alongside others
- show you objects they are interested in
- enjoy simple pretend play like feeding a dolly
- copy songs and actions with you
- start to take turns like rolling a ball back and forth
You can help your toddler by:
- joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead and playing with what your child is interested in
- copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
- talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say
Activities you can do with your child to improve play and social skills:
Read book together, take turns to lift flaps and turn the pages. Create anticipation by using facial expressions and changing your tone of voice.
Play with noise makers (shakers, drums, bells etc). You can also take turns e.g. your toddler makes a noise and then you make a noise.
Playing ‘Ready? Steady... Go!’ games using push-and-go cars or pop-up toys. Pause before saying go. Increase the lengths of time to help hold your child’s attention. Encourage them to look and share the experience with you.
Playing with your child. Join in with them! Follow what they are doing and slowly show how they can make links in their play like teddy is on the bed sleeping.
By 3 years old, toddlers will usually:
- enjoy playing pretend games with others and by themselves
- be interested in others playing and will join in
- choose their own activities or games and will follow their own plans
- interact with familiar adults and copy their actions
- try out new things and actively explore the world around them
You can help your toddler by:
- joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead and playing with what your child is interested in
- copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
- talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say
Activities you can do with your toddler to improve play and social skills:
Playing pretend with your child. Pretending to eat, drink and brush your hair with your child can encourage them to use their imagination more. You can use dolls or toys in your pretend games and take care of them or go on adventures.
Turn-taking and sharing whilst doing everyday activities like cooking. You can take turns to stir cake mix or build a tower together. Make sure you praise any nice sharing your toddler does.
Go to areas where your child can meet and play with other children of a similar age. You could go to the park or an activity centre. This is a great way to develop their social skills.
By 4 years old, toddlers will usually:
- start conversations with people
- play more with other toddlers and children
- understand taking turns and sharing
- play in a wider range of imaginative games with adults like driving a toy car to the garage, filling it up with petrol and driving away
You can help your toddler by:
- joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead, you can show interest by commenting rather than asking questions
- copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
- talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say
Activities you can do with your toddler to improve play and social skills:
Playing games with structured turn taking. For example, board games like pop-up pirate where you have your own pieces for the game. You can also use visual cues to help show whose turn it is like a silly hat or a toy.
Involving your toddler in chores that involve working together and helping like tiding up, washing up or doing small jobs.
Playing imaginative activities that could be linked to stories. For example, “we’re going on a bear hunt!”
Reading books that help your child to talk and think about friendships.
Having a ‘special time’ together where you can talk about what has happened during the day. This is a great way to develop your toddler's conversation and memory skills.
By 5 years old years children will usually:
- play with other children and choose their own friends
- organise and play pretend or roleplay with other children like pretending to be a dog while playing
- start conversations with people and takes turns in conversations
- listen to and join in with group conversations
- talk to get information, negotiate and give opinions
- prefer routine but can cope with changes with pre-warning and adult support
You can help your child by:
- using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
- be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
- using open questions to encourage more than a “yes” or “no” response
- giving your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
- being honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said
By 7 years old, children will usually:
- listen to, join in and take turns in group conversations
- use their words to do a wider range of things such as negotiate, give opinions and discuss ideas
- give details in conversations that they know are important and will influence the listener
- develop their friendships further. they will be aware of who their friends are, why they are friends and can understand the feelings of their friends. friendships will include falling out and making up again.
- begin to talk to people in different ways for example talking one way to their friends and another way to their teacher
- make their stories more exciting by exaggerating and using different tones of voice
You can help your child by:
- using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
- be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
- using open questions to encourage more than a yes or no response
- give your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
- be honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said
Between 7 to 11 years old, children will usually:
- Use words they hear other people using and begin to be aware of the latest slang
- Be aware of what the listener knows and checks while they are telling a story.
- Exaggerate stories in an unbelievable way to make their stories more exciting for example “last night at granny’s we had the biggest pizza in the world!”
- Use language to do a wider range of things such as ask questions, negotiate, give opinions, and discuss ideas. This is important for building and maintaining friendships for example complimenting and criticising
- Continue conversations with a range of people by making relevant comments or by asking questions
- Talk to people in different ways and use formal language when appropriate in a similar situation for example showing a visitor around school.
- Anticipate other people’s thoughts and feelings
You can help your child by:
- using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
- be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
- using open questions to encourage more than a yes or no response
- give your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
- be honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said
Between 11 and 19 years old, young people and teenagers will usually be able to:
- Negotiate and argue by explaining other options and possible outcomes
- Organise and manage shared tasks with little adult supervision
- Realise when people don’t fully understand and try to help them
- Enjoy group games and explain the rules effectively
- Easily switch between informal and formal styles of talking depending on the audience
- Understands and uses sarcasm and irony
Activities you can do with your young person or teenager to improve play and social skills:
Roleplay different scenarios with your child. Encourage your young person or teenager to adapt their styles of language for different situations. For example, you could roleplay an work experience interview scenario and a scenario where they are speaking to someone in the park.
Explaining their activities and thought process. For example, if your young person or teenager has created a piece of art, you can ask them to explain what it is, why they picked the colours etc. Alternatively, you could ask your young person or teenager to explain the rules or best practices for a sport or activity they enjoy doing.
How to help your young person or teenager
If you have concerns about your young person or teenager's use of language, get in touch with their school or education setting. They will be able to help with your young person or teenager and, if necessary, refer your young person or teenager onto the Cambridgeshire Children's Speech and Language team.
Last reviewed: 1 November, 2023
Who can help
If you have concerns about your child’s language development you may want to discuss this with:
- your health visitor if your child is under 5 years old
- the staff at your child’s school if your child is in school.
They may have helpful suggestions to improve your child’s understanding.
You can Call Us on 0300 029 50 50 or Text Us on 07520 649887 to start a conversation.
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